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Today [Feb. 26th, 2006|10:55 pm]
[mood |pissed offpissed off]

I hate how today's society is. I hate how everyone stareotypes, but what I hate worse than that is the fact that I am scared of going to a college for Fashion/Design. It's not being intimidated by people being better than me or even the fact that I am growing up and going to a college where I will not know what to do. I'm scared because I don't want to put clothing out there that will make it big. Take a look at people. What if someone made clothing for a certain body type? Nearly every day I see some 250-400 lb. girl/lady/woman wearing something skimpy. I apologise, but having your ass hang out of a mini skirt is NOT sexy and will NEVER get you a boyfriend or a sugar daddy. And how is it that, no offence, black people have no modesty what-so-ever? Do they honestly think they get more privlages in the Unites States? I can go back and talk about how bad the Irish had it, but do I? Do I force the fact that I am blue-blood or imply that I am better than anyone else on this planet? Leave the fucking past in the past. Go fuck yourself. If I call someone a "nigger" it is for its true meaning. Ignorant. I call someone black as much as I call someone white. Now... if someone ever goes about wearing my clothes like some people do... meh. I would be ashamed to even say it was my design. I can see why Mudd and L.E.I and Aeropostale make such small sized and don't exceed a limit. They don't want these fat fuckers abusing their clothing.
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Love will make you do things you never wish to do for anyone else.... [Feb. 10th, 2006|11:59 pm]
[mood |stressedTense]

I don't remember what I was going to say, so I will say this.

I find myself in the kitchen cooking rice for John. I look around and look down at the pot nearly overflowing with water then turn the faucet(?) off and wonder what the hell I'm doing. Well... in the end I burned the rice because John would not let me go from bed and John had to eat Pastrami by itself.

Monalisa Smile is the best movie ever.

I am out of school now. I am getting my GED on the 25 of this month and will have a job on March 1st. Maybe John's mum will allow me to stay here until then? I hope. I love it here so much. Is it because John is here or that I am not at my house? I don't want to lose Mocha, so I suppose I will have to spend more time at my house for now.

If John goes through will calling HRS then I will miss him. Whether he goes to Mike and Val's or if he goes to some foster home. Even if it might be Chris' house. I will miss being able to spend my weekends with him or being able to spend ANY time with him at all. We'll figure something out. I love him....

Now I am off to slumber, hopefully peacefuly, with my lover. Good night and blessings from Mother Goddess and the Great Horned God to all. Remember to leave some food outside so it goes back to the earth in thanks for what it has provided.
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Idiot.... [Jan. 20th, 2006|01:52 pm]
[mood |irritatedPissed]
[music |clickity click click]

Alrighty. I get an angry phone call last night. I hate people who find it amusing to insult or harass someone over the internet. Honestly. If you have enough balls to say it over the net, then don't be a pussy. I'd be more than obliged to insult someone to their face if I can do it over the internet. No one asks you to read anyhting let alone comment on it. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW THE DAMN PERSON! Someone who dyes their hair a million different colors, wear clothing that stands out and claims that life is too harsh for their sencitive needs can stop complaining and calling someone an attention whore. Especially when this someone only stands out by wearing baggy clothes that happen to be black. Fucking cunts. Believe what you want, but he is not want attention. If he did, he would come to me for it knowing I will give more than needed. A WARNING TO ALL OF YOU! HOLD YOUR TONGUE OR LOSE IT!
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Love... [Jan. 9th, 2006|08:48 am]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |The chatter of students in the library]

September 26, 2005, I was given the chance to turn my life around. I was blessed with the love and care of another. Just like every relationship, not everything was peachy. It takes time to open up and to allow yourself to be embraced by another. It is even more hard to do so when you have been hurt in the past. It was hard for both of us. The fear of trusting, the fear of loving... I do not fully trust this person. Yet, I wish to. Every second of every day my feelings grow stronger, but that trust was broken recently. Though we may have worked things out, that pain will still be there. It will still be a scar upon my soul that will take a long while to heal. I want him to open up to me. I want him to know that I will support him with every choice he makes, good or bad, fore we make mistakes only to learn from them. Back to the subject. To be given the chance to love is the chance I took. I will fight for this person to be happy, even if it is without me. No matter how much pain I receive, no matter how hollow I become, his happyness comes first.
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Eugh [Dec. 31st, 2005|03:50 pm]
[mood |goodgood]

Is it me, or does every old person's house smell the same?
I helped John's mum clean houses today. This one lady's house smelled EXACTLY like my grandmother O'Reilly's house. Wow........... someone please help there. Lol. Every room smelled like the rooms in her house. I'm quite glad she didn't have a basement. ><. ANYWAY! On a more cheerful note, John set his nipple ablaze again. I've been at his house since school let out for winter break and I do not want to go back to the place I live. It's not home. This is home to me. I might be getting a job at the Hillel. GO JEWS! Gr. Hrm... I must go now. Checky, checky, checky....
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W......T........F............. [Dec. 7th, 2005|10:52 am]
Oki doke. Who the fuck decides to hook you up with someone and you want to go behind their back and talk shit about them? Watch your back little girl. I'm going to make you life a living hell.
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I miss you [Dec. 1st, 2005|10:39 pm]
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |Endo :: Simple Lies]

Why wont you act yourself? Everyhting's gone so wrong lately. I miss the you I saw this morning before you ate that pepper. I miss the you that I see when I'm over at Mike and Val's or when you're here with me. I miss the you that like to cuddle and tell me how much you love me. How can one little thing change so much? I'm not. You know I'm not. I love you so much and sometimes I think you can never see that. Sometimes I think you don't want to. Sometimes I think you don't want to be with me anymore. It's your choice. I love you.
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D.I.E. [Nov. 14th, 2005|07:03 pm]
[mood |jealousjealous]
[music |Candlebox :: You]

So. Not much to talk about here. I'm about to break my promise to a couple of people. Yum, right? Ha! Yum. That supports my decisions well. ^^. What-the-fuck-ever. I really don't give a shit right now. Had a bad day. Yup. Bad day it was. And all of you and go to fuking hell.

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"Medicate Me So I Die Happy" [Nov. 2nd, 2005|08:43 pm]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |A Perfect Circle :: The Package]

=) Today was a good day.
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Whee [Oct. 26th, 2005|10:31 am]

So, Christian is trying to get to me. Get me back. I don't know. Whatever. He dosent want me with John, he wants me with him and he likes to get what he wants. I'm not going back to him. I'm wearing a skirt in the cold and I feel rather uncomfortable. Why, ohh why. What beautiful webs we weave. So... he tells me that Jogn and his ex are still together. John wants to kill him. Kill him, I say. I don't care anymore. He says "I will make you hurt". Yeah. Hurt. Good song, but I have my ways of getting back at people. He never knew how coldhearted I could be until I told him to fuck off last night. Go fuck himself. I get worse. If I have to, I'll slit his fucking throat and watch him drip. =) Beauty. John. A Beautiful soul. I wish he would believe it. Maybe someday he can. I want him to. I love him. He's the best thing that happened to me. I should have listened when I was told that I was making a mistake by being engaged to Christian. I was. When all I ever wanted, all I ever needed was right in front of me. Maybe a little off to the side, but still in eyeshot. He makes me happy. I can never stop thinking of him. Christina knows how I feel. I can't see why he wont believe that he can be loved and seen for what he really is and not what society portrays him as. Or... so he thinks. He's beautiful, and he objects. He's amazing, he wonders how. Maybe I can find a way of telling him, but now I can't. Now it is only a touch, an utter of short sentences that mean nothing to most. Bot reading into my thoughts, my feelings, a short utter of words can mean the world. =). And I hope he can see that someday. Smile willingly, sweet one. For tomorrow may never come and no one may ever see that true smile.
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