||[Oct. 26th, 2005|10:31 am]
|||||FREEZING MY BALLS OFF!||]|
So, Christian is trying to get to me. Get me back. I don't know. Whatever. He dosent want me with John, he wants me with him and he likes to get what he wants. I'm not going back to him. I'm wearing a skirt in the cold and I feel rather uncomfortable. Why, ohh why. What beautiful webs we weave. So... he tells me that Jogn and his ex are still together. John wants to kill him. Kill him, I say. I don't care anymore. He says "I will make you hurt". Yeah. Hurt. Good song, but I have my ways of getting back at people. He never knew how coldhearted I could be until I told him to fuck off last night. Go fuck himself. I get worse. If I have to, I'll slit his fucking throat and watch him drip. =) Beauty. John. A Beautiful soul. I wish he would believe it. Maybe someday he can. I want him to. I love him. He's the best thing that happened to me. I should have listened when I was told that I was making a mistake by being engaged to Christian. I was. When all I ever wanted, all I ever needed was right in front of me. Maybe a little off to the side, but still in eyeshot. He makes me happy. I can never stop thinking of him. Christina knows how I feel. I can't see why he wont believe that he can be loved and seen for what he really is and not what society portrays him as. Or... so he thinks. He's beautiful, and he objects. He's amazing, he wonders how. Maybe I can find a way of telling him, but now I can't. Now it is only a touch, an utter of short sentences that mean nothing to most. Bot reading into my thoughts, my feelings, a short utter of words can mean the world. =). And I hope he can see that someday. Smile willingly, sweet one. For tomorrow may never come and no one may ever see that true smile.